Awakening and Questioning

What awakening means

In these communities, awakening is the name for the stretch of time in which a person comes to recognize a non-human identity. The word can sound dramatic. The thing itself is usually quiet. It is less like a flash of light than like finally reading the label on a jar that has been in the cupboard all your life.

Nothing new is created by an awakening. People do not become therians when they learn the word. They find a word for something that was already there, and then spend a while, often a long while, checking whether the word really fits.

Why the question arises

People arrive at the question by many roads. Some have felt animal for as long as they can remember and one day meet the vocabulary. Some see a description of phantom limbs or mental shifts and feel a jolt of recognition. Some come across the subject by chance, feel drawn to it, and are not sure why.

All of these are fair reasons to ask. None of them is, by itself, an answer. Feeling drawn to an idea is where the question begins. It is not where it ends.

What tends to be true of therians

There is no checklist that can settle the matter, and any list that claims to should be distrusted. But those who turn out to be therians very often report the following:

• The feeling of being an animal, or of not being quite human, reaches back years, usually into childhood, and was there before they had heard of therianthropy.
• It is about what they are, not about what they like. It persists when their interests change.
• It shows in involuntary things: reflexes, body sense, the order in which they notice the world.
• It is specific. Over time it resolves toward a particular animal or kind of animal, not toward animals in general.
• It is steady under doubt. They have questioned it hard, sometimes wished it away, and found it still there.

And there are things that, though pleasant, do not point either way: loving animals, feeling at home in nature, preferring animals to people, enjoying wearing a tail, being good at moving on all fours, or having once had a striking dream. Many humans who are simply human share every one of these.

Other true answers

Sometimes the honest conclusion is a different word, and sometimes it is no word at all.

• You may find that you feel deep kinship with an animal without being one. That is called being otherhearted, and it is a complete answer in its own right.
• You may find that what you are is not an earthly animal, and that otherkin describes you better.
• You may find that an animal identity is something you take up on purpose because it helps you. That is sometimes called a copinglink, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about.
• You may find that you are a human being who loves animals very much. The world needs a great many of those.

Every one of these is a good outcome. The only poor outcome is a label taken in a hurry and defended out of pride.

First steps that help

1. Slow down. Give the question months. It has waited this long.
2. Write things down. Keep a private notebook of what you actually experience, with dates. Memory is kind to whatever we currently believe; notes are less so.
3. Read widely and critically. Read the older, longer essays as well as the short, popular posts. Notice where writers disagree.
4. Learn about real animals. The page on theriotypes explains why this matters and how to go about it.
5. Listen more than you announce. There is no need to tell anyone until you want to, and no need for a public declaration at all.
6. Look after ordinary life. Sleep, food, friends, schoolwork or work. An identity is easier to understand from a steady footing.

The essay Before You Name It in the stacks goes through these steps in a more personal voice.

On doubt

Nearly everyone doubts. People who have been therians for twenty years still have days when the whole thing seems unlikely. Doubt is not a sign that you are deceiving yourself; it is a sign that you are thinking. An identity that has been honestly questioned and has held is worth more than one that has never been examined.

Equally, doubt that never rests may be telling you something. If, after real time and real thought, the word still does not sit easily, you are free to put it down. Nothing is lost by having asked.

Taking care while you question

When you want to rest from the question for a while, the contemplation garden has a bench.